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Forum "Korrekturlesen" - Hilfe!!!!!!Englisch Vortrag
Hilfe!!!!!!Englisch Vortrag < Korrekturlesen < Englisch < Sprachen < Vorhilfe
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Hilfe!!!!!!Englisch Vortrag: Frage
Status: (Frage) beantwortet Status 
Datum: 17:06 Mo 28.02.2005
Autor: searchgirl

Hallo,
ich habe da wieder einmal ein riesiges Problem. Ich soll am Mittwoch einen Vortrag in Englisch über Hawaii mit ein paar anderen Leuten halten. Ich habe auch schon meinen Text vorgeschrieben. Aber es wäre hilfreich für mich wenn jemand noch mal drüberguckt und mir sagt ob evtl noch Fehler enthalten sind. Wundert euch bitte nicht, dass ein paar Überleitungssätze, Rechtsschreibfehler enthalten sind.
Achso, kann mir einer von euch sagen wie der Plural von sight ist, im Wörterbuch steht als plural auch nur sight, aber sicher bin ich mir nicht. Aber hier erst mal mein Text: (bei den Pünktchen kommt noch was hin) danke erstmal
schöne grüße searchgirl


politics and government

The state government of Hawaiì was changed after the kingdom era.
In the government system there are 3 pillars of control: executive, legislative and judical.
The executive pillar is led by the state governor, monitoring the authorities and departments.
The legislative pillar consists of the state senat of Hawaii and the state house of reprensentative.
The judical column is led by the Hawaii state surpreme court, which is the highest state court of hawaii. The lower courts, for example the local court of the north district of Hawaii are administraded among the suprime court.

O.k., this was the 3 columns of the hawaiian government. But I want to tell you something about important hawaiian politicians.
The governor of Hawaii is Mrs. Linda Lingle and she belongs to the republican party. A other member of this party is James Aiona, the lieutnant Governor of Hawaii. He is the assistant chief executive of the state.
In the federal states of the United Staates of America there are senior and a junior united staates senator, that´s why in hawaii there are this senators, too.
The senoir united states senator is Daniel Inouge and the junior senator is Daniel Akaka. Both senators are member of the democratic party, a party against the republican.
Neil Abercrombie and Ed Case are the first or rather the second district congressmen and belong to the democratic american party. So, people I`m on the end of this topic and now Mathias speak about the language.

famous people

o.k. students, you know Hawaii is a little state, that`s why not many famous people come from this one.
But nevertheless I want to present you two famous persons.
The first one is Dwayne Johnnson
.......
He was born on 2 May 1972 in Honulu and grew up in Hayard California. During high school in Hayard he began playing football. But after the high school Dwayne fighted against other men and became to a wrestler. He first wrestled in the world wrestling federation as Rocky Maivia, a combination of his father and grandfather`s ring names Rocky and Maivia. Because Johnssons father was a world wrestling federation tag team champion and his grandfather was a star in the world wrestling entertainment, too.
But after 5 years Dwayne`s stage name Rocky Maivia was changed in “the Rock”, because this name was charismaticly as the first one.
In his carrier he has win 34 world championchips and at the moment Dwayne is the number 3 of the world ranking in wrestling.
This were some information about The Rock and now I want to tell you shortly something about the second person Lauren Graham.
Lauren Helen Graham was born on March 16 1967 in Honululu and grew up in Northern Virginia. Lauren is an american actress and is best known for her role as Lorelai Gilmor on the tv show “Gilmore Girls”. She has also appeared in the movies “Bad Santa” and “Sweet November”.
And at the moment she play a role in a american comedy show.

education

Now, people let`s go to point 5 – the education of Hawaii.
The hawaiian school system is the oldest public education system west of the Mississipi River. Because on October 15 1840 Kamehamea III, presented by Martina, organized a new system.
In this education system, there are seven individual school districts, that are directly administraded from the state department of education in Honululu, the capital of hawaii. The seven districts are:
The Kaui district........
The central district.......
The Leward District......
The Windward district......
The Honululu district.....
The Maui district.....
And the Hawaii district.......
The people living in a district, for example in the Maui district have to go to school in this one.
Besides the education system is the most centralized and only statewide public school system in the United States of America.
Here you can see the central office of the system – the Hawaii State Department of Education.
It oversees 283 public schools, 13000 teachers and 182798 students.
The 283 public schools consist of 121 primary schools, 96 academies and secondary schools and 66 colleges and universities.
But there are not only public schools, but also 75 private schools.
.....

sight

If you think of Hawaii, you think of white beaches, of the ocean, of palms and coconuts. On Hawaii you can only lie on the beach, but also you can also experience a lot. For example, you can walk to the Diamond head, one of the highest summits of Hwaii, and enjoy the views of the beaches along the south coast. If you have maybe fear of heights, you should better visit the Atlantis Submarines. The Atlantis Submarines are tunnels, which lie 30 metres under the sea lever. From this tunnels you can observe amusing coral reefs and sea animals. Another destination is the Dole Plantation. On this plantation you find out everything about pineapple plants and other exotic fruit, which are cultivated on Hawaii.
The world-biggest labyrinth is on this area also. This labyrinth exists of hibiscus plants and is a big challenge for visitors.
If you go to Arizona memorial in Pearl Harbour, you can do a trip in  the past. This museum is one of the most-visited places of interest (sight) and informs the visitors about the bomb attacks on the coast of Hwaii in 1941.
Beside the museum lies the ship USS Arizona, which sank during the attacks on Pearl Harbour. About the wreck a white building was built, which gives the visitor the possibility a look to throw at the USS Arizona.
Now this was a small overwiev about the sight of Hawaii. Lets got to part...


        
Bezug
Hilfe!!!!!!Englisch Vortrag: antwort
Status: (Antwort) fertig Status 
Datum: 19:22 Mo 28.02.2005
Autor: Gopal

Hallo,

hat doch etwas länger gedauert als erst angegeben.
ich habe eine Menge Kleinigkeiten korrigiert, und nur an einigen Stellen was dazu geschrieben.
an einigen Stellen war mir nicht ganz klaar was du meinst. das müsstest du mir vieleicht nochmal auf deutsch schreiben.
ich hoffe ich konnte helfen.

andreas



> Hallo,
>  ich habe da wieder einmal ein riesiges Problem. Ich soll
> am Mittwoch einen Vortrag in Englisch über Hawaii mit ein
> paar anderen Leuten halten. Ich habe auch schon meinen Text
> vorgeschrieben. Aber es wäre hilfreich für mich wenn jemand
> noch mal drüberguckt und mir sagt ob evtl noch Fehler
> enthalten sind. Wundert euch bitte nicht, dass ein paar
> Überleitungssätze, Rechtsschreibfehler enthalten sind.
>  Achso, kann mir einer von euch sagen wie der Plural von
> sight ist, im Wörterbuch steht als plural auch nur sight,
> aber sicher bin ich mir nicht. Aber hier erst mal mein
> Text: (bei den Pünktchen kommt noch was hin) danke erstmal
>
> schöne grüße searchgirl
>  
>
> politics and government
>  
> The state government of Hawaiì was changed after the
> kingdom era.
> In the government system there are 3 pillars of control:
> executive, legislative and judical.

Das Wort government (Regierung) bezieht sich eigentlich speziell auf die Exekutive. wovon Du sprichst ist aber die gesammte Staatsorganisation. (state organization oder political organization/system)
Statt kingdom era ("Königreichzeitalter")würde ich Dir das Wort Monarchie (monarchy) empfehlen.
also zum beispiel: After the end of the monarchy (Jahreszahl?) Hawaiis political system was reorganized. It is now structured into executive, legislative and judicial power.

>  The executive pillar is led by the state governor,
> monitoring the authorities and departments.

pillar (Säule) ist statisch, to lead (führen) impliziert eine Bewegung, das ist keine gute Wortverbindung. partizip monitoring ist uneindeutig. besser: who monitors. oder
besser: The sate governor holds the highest executive office. All other authorities and departments work under his supervision.


>  The legislative pillar consists of the state senat of
> Hawaii and the state house of reprensentative.
>  The judical column is led by the Hawaii state surpreme
> court, which is the highest state court of hawaii.

Wie oben (column-lead).

>The

> lower courts, for example the local court of the north
> district of Hawaii, are administraded among the suprime
> court.

ist nicht klaar was du meinst.


> O.k., this was the 3 columns of the hawaiian government.
> But I want to tell you something about important hawaiian
> politicians.
>  The governor of Hawaii is Mrs. Linda Lingle and she
> belongs to the republican party. Another member of this
> party is James Aiona, the lieutnant Governor of Hawaii. He
> is the assistant chief executive of the state.

vielleicht solltest du erklären, was das heisst (ich vermute: vice governor)

>  In the federal states of the United Staates of America
> there are senior and a junior united staates senator,
> that´s why in hawaii there are this senators, too.

better: like all states (ein a!) of the US, Hawaii (Eigennamen immer groß) has two senators: a junior and a senior senator.

> The senoir united states senator is Daniel Inouge and the
> junior senator is Daniel Akaka. Both senators are members of
> the democratic party, a party against the republican.

better: the rival party of the Republicans.

>  Neil Abercrombie and Ed Case are the first and
> second district congressmen and belong to the democratic
> american party. So, people I'm on the end of this topic and
> now Mathias speak about the language.

speaks about/ is going to speak abou / will speak about- du hast die Wahl. aber nicht speak.

>  
> famous people
>  
> o.k. students, you know Hawaii is a little state, that's
> why not many famous people come from there.
>  But nevertheless,  I want to present you two famous
> persons.
>  The first one is Dwayne Johnnson
>  .......
>  He was born on 2 May 1972 in Honulu and grew up in Hayard
> California. During high school in Hayard he began playing
> football. But after the high school Dwayne fought against
> other men and became a wrestler. He first wrestled in
> the world wrestling federation as Rocky Maivia, a
> combination of his father and grandfather's ring names
> Rocky and Maivia. Johnsson's father had been a champion  of the world
> wrestling federation tag team and his grandfather
> had been a star in the wrestling entertainment, too.
>  But after 5 years Dwayne's stage name Rocky Maivia was
> changed into “the Rock”, because this name seemed more charismatic.
>  In his carrier he won 34 world championships. Today
> Dwayne is the number 3 of the world ranking in
> wrestling.
>  This were some information about The Rock and now I want
> to tell you shortly something about the second person
> Lauren Graham.
>  Lauren Helen Graham was born on March 16 1967 in Honululu
> and grew up in Northern Virginia. Lauren is an american
> actress and is best known for her role as Lorelai Gilmor on
> the tv show “Gilmore Girls”. She has also appeared in the
> movies “Bad Santa” and “Sweet November”.
>  And at the moment she is playing a role in an American comedy
> show.
>  
> education
>  
> Now, people let's go to point 5 – the education of
> Hawaii.

'people' geht nicht als Anrede. wenn es ein etwas kumpelhaftes 'Leute ' sein soll, könntest du 'folks' (hey folks= hallo Leute)sagen. das ist aber kein feines standard Englisch, sondern umgangssprachlich, wenn nicht sogar slang.

>  The hawaiian school system is the oldest public education
> system west of the Mississipi River. Because on October 15
> 1840 Kamehamea III, presented by Martina, organized a new
> system.

was heißt das: presented by Martina ?

>  In this educational system, there are seven individual
> school districts, that are directly administraded by the
> state department of education in Honululu, the capital of
> hawaii. The seven districts are:
>  The Kaui district........
>  The central district.......
>  The Leward District......
>  The Windward- Honululu- Maui- and the Hawaii district.
>  The people living in such a district, for example in the one of Maui have to go to school there.
>  This educational system is the most centralized as well as the
> only statewide public school system in the United States of
> America.
>  Here you can see the central office of the system – the
> Hawaii State Department of Education.
>  It oversees 283 public schools, 13000 teachers and 182798
> students.
>  The 283 public schools consist of 121 primary schools, 96
> academies and secondary schools and 66 colleges and
> universities.
>  However, there are not only public schools, but also 75 private
> schools.
>  .....
>  
> tourist attractions
>  
> When you think of Hawaii, you probably think of white beaches, of the
> ocean, of palms and coconuts. However, on Hawaii you can not only lie on
> the beach, but you can also experience a lot. For
> example, you can walk to the Diamond head, one of the
> highest summits of Hawaii, and enjoy the views of the
> beaches along the south coast. If you are afraid of
> heights, you should better visit the Atlantis Submarines.
> The Atlantis Submarines are tunnels, which lie 30 metres
> under the sea level. From this tunnels you can observe
> amusing coral reefs and sea animals.

amusing coral reefs?


> Another destination is
> the Dole Plantation. On this plantation you find out
> everything about pineapple plants and other exotic fruit,
> which are cultivated on Hawaii.
>  The worlds biggest labyrinth is in this area also. This
> labyrinth exists of hibiscus plants and is a big challenge
> for visitors.
> If you go to see the Arizona memorial in Pearl Harbour, you can take
> a trip into  the past. This museum is one of the most-visited
> tourist attractions and informs the visitors about
> the bomb attacks on the coast of Hwaii in 1941.
>  Near by the museum lies the ship USS Arizona, which sank
> during the attacks on Pearl Harbour. About the wreck a
> white building was erected, which gives the visitor the
> possibility to get a glance at the famous ship.
>  Now this was a small overwiev about the sights of Hawaii.
> Lets got to part...
>  
>  


Bezug
                
Bezug
Hilfe!!!!!!Englisch Vortrag: Mitteilung
Status: (Mitteilung) Reaktion unnötig Status 
Datum: 19:40 Mo 28.02.2005
Autor: searchgirl

Hi,
danke für deine Arbeit. Also zur Erklärung:
>presented by Martina
Martina ist eine Gruppenteilnehmerin, die über die Geschichte redet und das schon mit den Schülern besprochen hat.
>amusing coral riffs: sollte eigentlich faszienierende Korallenriffe bedeuten.

schöne grüße
searchgirl

Bezug
                        
Bezug
Hilfe!!!!!!Englisch Vortrag: antwort
Status: (Mitteilung) Reaktion unnötig Status 
Datum: 19:57 Mo 28.02.2005
Autor: Gopal


> Hi,
>  danke für deine Arbeit. Also zur Erklärung:
> >presented by Martina
>  Martina ist eine Gruppenteilnehmerin, die über die
> Geschichte redet und das schon mit den Schülern besprochen
> hat.

dann sagst du vieleicht besser:
'as you know already from Martinas presentation' oder sowas in der art, um dass klaarer zu machen.

>  >amusing coral riffs: sollte eigentlich faszienierende
> Korallenriffe bedeuten.

dachte ich mir doch, dass die Korallenriffe nicht lachhaft (amüsant) sind. also sag doch einfach: 'fascinating reefs'

aslo:

> the beach, but you can also experience a lot. For
> example, you can walk to the Diamond head, one of the
> highest summits of Hawaii, and enjoy the views over the
> beaches along the south coast. If you are afraid of
> heights, you should better visit the Atlantis Submarines.
> The Atlantis Submarines are tunnels, which lie 30 metres
> under sea level. From these tunnels you can observe
> fascinatingcoral reefs and sea animals.


> schöne grüße
>  searchgirl
>  


Bezug
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