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Forum "Korrekturlesen" - Korrektur Zeitungsbericht
Korrektur Zeitungsbericht < Korrekturlesen < Englisch < Sprachen < Vorhilfe
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Korrektur Zeitungsbericht: Korrektur
Status: (Frage) reagiert/warte auf Reaktion Status 
Datum: 17:53 Sa 29.12.2007
Autor: Himbeere145

Aufgabe
Schreibe einen Zeitungsbericht zu ein Jugendthema.

After the intoxication

A big world means many people. Some of them try their best to invent as many drugs as possible. They are illegal drugs and drugs which the people can use in the public.
One illegal drug, also called narcotic, is heroin.
It´s illegal because it causes a change in the imagine.
Legal drugs are tabac, cigarettes, tea or coffee. The effects aren´t so dramatically.
World wide the people prefer coffee, tabac, alcohol and cannabis.
The ironic side is that the most victims of drugs are the one who take tabac or drink alcohol. Harmful drugs in the comparison with heroin.
Through a big international law the people aren´t allowed to use special drugs listed in books. If they do it, they can get the capital punishment in countrys like Malaysia or Singapur.

Although this could be a reason not to make something with drugs, people in Afghanistan for example are forced to have fields full of poppy. It´s their only chance to survive.  The chance to care for their familiy.
So they can´t do anything against it, if the conditions doesn´t become better. But the dealers can do somthing against the drugs. The sad side is that it doesn´t matter to them. Their only task is to produce and distribute them around the world. To have enough earnings and a good trade the try to make the drugs responsive for everyone.

The teenagers especially prefer the little colorful tablets which looks like sweets and have funny pictures on them, like a flower or a moon. Another popular drug are the alco-pops. They are coloful too and have a big advantage. The kids doesn´t taste that they drink alcohol because it contains more sugar than normal. With these harmlesses the teenagers become careless and underestimate the dangers. They think they are strong enough to do everything.
Their reasons to take drugs are very silly:
If they take drugs they belong to the group, are a real member of it. They can forget all the bad things which happened in the past. Bad marks or stress with their parents, especially in the coming- of- age. Or they take them becuause they wnat to dance the whole night in a disco.

But the riscs of drugs are too high to say they can handle it, although many parents say that drugs aren´t dangerous because they have taken it in their past too.

While the teenagers are under the influence of drugs they see the world through pink glasses. These effect is causde by so called messengers in the brain. Despite of the great feelings the side effects can be very serious.
They are two different side effects the people can have after the intoxication.
The psycological and the physical ones.
Physical effects are able to cause damn pains in different parts of the body.
The other one the psycological effect is a little bit more dangerous. The depender belief that he need the drugs to have a good live although they have to know this is wrong.

After a long time full of bad feelings comes the question:,,Why?´´
Why they have lost their friends.
Unfortunally it´s too late because the victims aren´t able to recognise the world like they did before taking the drugs.
The time is the biggest killer. After a period of taking drugs regularly, they are dead. The death means a lot for the people who still live and have known the person.
The person leaves behind a family who have in many cases big liabilities through the high prices of the drugs.

To prevent the death they are many organisations which offer help. Medical hospitals or the anonymic alcoholics. These are right (Ansätze).
Wrong (Ansätze) to fight succesful against the drugs are especially two professoers from an international University, Dr. Mc Clair and professor Fiona Truper. They say that the people can drink alcohol without a bad feeling.
This is the opposide of what the hospitals say. But this is true. The people only have to be careful how much they drink!
If they don´t the cells are also not able to regenerate. With these statement the dutch use the drugs in the public and support the edicts.
Especially in Europe many people connect the consume of drugs with homeless poeple. Where they can see that they have problems. In many cases it´s only a prejudice because people who are not homeless take drugs too.
So if the people from outside want to say if a person is under the inluence of drugs they have to look for differences by the pupils for example.

All in all it´s more clever not to takt drugs rather than having a live like the medias shows them in the television.
If YOU have problems talk to your parents or friends. They are in the most situations better listenors tahn an injection!
Questions???

Call the telephone number 001 78314
DRUGS ARE WRONG agency  


Ich habe diese Frage auch in folgenden Foren auf anderen Internetseiten gestellt:
[Hier gibst du bitte die direkten Links zu diesen Fragen an.]



        
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Korrektur Zeitungsbericht: Antwort
Status: (Antwort) fertig Status 
Datum: 21:59 Di 01.01.2008
Autor: espritgirl

Hey Himbeere145, [willkommenvh]!

Ich versuche mal einen ersten Teil deines langen Textes zu korrigieren.

> A big world means many people. Some of them try their best
> to invent as many drugs as possible.

> They are illegal drugs
> and drugs which the people can use in the public.

Was willst du mit dem Satz sagen? Das es legale aber auch illegale Drogen gibt? Oder dass es illegale Drogen gibt, die die Leute öffentlich konsumieren können?


>  One illegal drug, also called narcotic, is heroin.
>  It´s illegal because it causes a change in the imagine (was soll imagine hier genau bedeuten?).
>  Legal drugs are tabac, cigarettes, tea or coffee. The
> effects aren´t so dramatically.
>  World wide the people prefer coffee, tabac, alcohol and
> cannabis.
>  The ironic side ( The irony is) that the most victims of drugs are the
> one who take tabac or drink alcohol. Harmful drugs in the
> comparison with heroin.
>  Through a big international law the people aren´t allowed
> to use special drugs listed in books. If they do it, they
> can get the capital punishment in countrys like Malaysia or
> Singapur.
>  
> Although this could be a reason  not to make neither deal with drugs nor consume it, people in Afghanistan for example are forced to have
> fields full of poppy. It´s their only chance to survive.  
> The chance to care for their familiy.
>  So they can´t do anything against it, if the conditions
> [s]doesn´t[s] will not become better.

Nur eine mini Korrektur, vll gucke ich morgen mal den Rest nach. Wichtig ist, dass du keine Short Forms benutzt (aren`t  => are not), da du einen formellen text hast.


LG

Sarah

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