Korrektur e. Zeitungsartikels < Korrekturlesen < Englisch < Sprachen < Vorhilfe
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After the intoxication
A big world means many people. Some of them try their best to invent as many different drugs as possible. For example there are the drugs like alcohol, cagarettes, excasy, tea, heroin, coffee, sugar pipe and so on.
On the one hand the people take the drugs because they depent on them but on the other hand the people like in Afghanistan need the extension of the drugs to survive. It´s their only proceed to have fields full of poppy.
But these people aren´t the one who produce the drugs we know.
The little colorful tablets which looks like sweets and has funny pictures on it, like a teddy or a flower.
The dealer makes and distrubute them around the world to the kids and teenagers who only think that´s cool.
Through the nice pictures they become careless because they underestimate the dangers.
If you take drugs you belong to the group. Are a real member of it. This is what I´ve thought.
The biggest mistake. They think with drugs you are able to forget all the bad things which happened in the past. Problems are away, solved.
While they are under hte drugs they see the world through pink glasses.
These effect comes through the ,,Botenstoffe´´ in the brain.
Teenagers thing they are strong enough to do everything. But inspite of the great feeling the time after it will be much more horrible:
You are depressed, not able to concentrate in school for example and you can´t understand that your best friends and parents have distandet of you.
Them comes the question WHY?
Unfortunatelly i´t is too late, bacause the victims aren´t able ti recognise the world like before the drugs. The time is the biggest killer. After a period if you have taken drugs regularly you are dead.
The daed means a lot fot the people who still live and have known the person.
The person leaves behind a family or his friends who have in many cases big liabilities through the high prices of the drugs!
Another bad influence on the people who take drugs are some professors from an international University, Dr. Mc Clair and professor Fiona Truper. They say that drugs aren´t so dangerous like alcohol.
Alcohol seems to be more dangerous for the cells in the brain because they can´t regenerate. If you take drugs you only have a short intoxication. With these statements the hollanders use it in the public and they suppose the dependers.
Especially the people in Malaysia and Singapur are very strict: The posession of illegal drugs isn´t allowed there. If you don´t follow this commant you can become the (Todesstrafe).
All in all it´s more clever not to take drugs before you have such a life like the medias shows you in the television.
If you have problems talk to your parents or friends. They are in the miost ways the better listenors than an injection!
Have you questions?
Call the telephone number-001 78314
DRUGS ARE WRONG agency
Ich habe diese Frage auch in folgenden Foren auf anderen Internetseiten gestellt:
[Hier gibst du bitte die direkten Links zu diesen Fragen an.]
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(Antwort) fertig  | | Datum: | 15:03 Do 27.12.2007 | | Autor: | tontsch |
Hi Himbeere (übrigens mein absolutes Lieblingseis),
der Text ist ja ganz interessant. Ich habe zunächst einmal unten die Fehler korrigiert, die leicht zu korrigieren waren. GROSSBUCHSTABEN kommen von mir, und wenn etwas raus muss, steht [OUT:] davor. Wenn ich nicht sicher war, was Du meinstest, steht ein ? mit einem Vorschlag.
Ich würde Dir aber empfehlen, wenn Du den Text entsprechend neu geschrieben hast, nocheinmal Deine Argumentation zu überprüfen. Hier ein paar Anmerkungen von mir dazu:
1) Du springst im Artikel von einer "man" zu einer "ich" und dann zu einer "sie" Betrachtung. Beispiel: "This is what I´ve thought. THAT WAS the biggest mistake. They think with drugs you are able to forget all the bad things ".
Ich würde Dir empfehlen, Dich einmal fest zu legen, und dann dabei zu bleiben.
2) Versuche, Deine guten Gedanken besser zu sortieren, indem Du dem Text eine Struktur gibst, der ein Leser folgen kann. Z.B.
-Hintergründe zu Anbau bzw. künstlicher Herstellung
-Methoden der Dealer zur Verbreitung
-Gründe der Jugendlichen zuzugreifen
-Soziale und medizinische Auswirkugen
-Deiner Meinung nach falsche Ansätze
Zu allen Punkten hast Du etwas geschrieben, aber Du springst noch etwas hin und her.
3) Viel Erfolg!!
Gruß
Stefan
> After the intoxication
>
> A big world means many people. Some of them try their best
> to invent as many different drugs as possible. For example
> there are the drugs like alcohol, cIgarettes, exTasy, tea,
> heroin, coffee, sugar pipe(ZUCKERPFEIFE? SUGAR, PIPE, ) and so on.
> On the one hand [OUT:the] people take [OUT:the] drugs because they ARE EDICTED TO [OUT: depent on] them but on the other hand [OUT:the] people IN COUNTRIES like [OUT:in]
> Afghanistan need TO GROW [OUT:the extension of the] drugs to survive.
> It´s their only CHANCE? [OUT: proceed] to have fields full of poppy.
> But these people aren´t the oneS who produce the drugs we
> know.
>
> The little colorful tablets which look[OUT:s] like sweets and haVE
> funny pictures on THEM, like a teddy or a flower.
> The dealerS PRODUCE [OUT:makes] and distrIbute them around the world to
> [OUT:the] kids and teenagers who only think that´s cool.
>
> BECAUSE OF THE [Out:Through] the nice pictures they become careless AND [OUT: because they]
> underestimate the dangers.
>
> If you take drugs you belong to the group, YOU are a real
> member of it. This is what I´ve thought.
> THAT WAS the biggest mistake. They think with drugs you are able to
> forget all the bad things which happened in the past.
> Problems are GONE AND [OUT: away,] solved.
>
> While they are under THE INFLUENCE OF[OUT:hte] drugs they see the world through
> pink glasses.
> These effect IS CAUSED BY [OUT: comes through the] SO CALLED MESSENGERS [OUT: ,,Botenstoffe´´] in the
> brain.
> Teenagers thinK they are strong enough to do everything.
> But DESPITE [OUT: inspite of] the great feeling WHILE THE EFFET LASTS???, the time after [OUT: it] will be
> much more horrible:
> You are depressed, not able to concentrate in school for
> example and you can´t understand that your best friends and
> parents have DISSOCIATED THEMSELFS FROM [OUT: distandet of] you.
> Them comes the question WHY?
>
> Unfortuna[OUT:te]lly it is too late, bEcause the victims aren´t
> able tO recognise the world like THEY DID before TAKING the drugs. The time
> is the biggest killer. After a period OF [OUT: if you have taken] TAKING
> drugs regularly, you are dead.
> The dEATH means a lot foR the people who still live and
> have known the person.
>
> The person leaves behind a family or his friends who have
> in many cases big liabilities through the high prices of
> the drugs!
>
> Another bad influence on the people who take drugs are some
> professors from an international University, Dr. Mc Clair
> and professor Fiona Truper. They say that drugs aren´t AS [OUT: so]
> dangerous AS [OUT: like] alcohol.
> Alcohol seems to be more dangerous for the cells in the
> brain because they can´t regenerate. If you take drugs you
> only have a short intoxication. With these ARGUMENT [OUT: statements] the
> DUTCH [OUT: hollanders] use it in the public and they SUPPORT THE EDITCS??? [OUT:suppose the
> dependers.]
>
> Especially the people in Malaysia and Singapur are very
> strict: The poSsession of illegal drugs isn´t allowed there.
> If you don´t follow this LAW [OUT: commant] you can GET [OUT: become] the CAPITAL PUNISHMENT [OUT:> (Todesstrafe)].
> All in all it´s more clever not to take drugs RATHER THEN HAVING [OUT: before you
> have such] a life like the media[OUT:s] shows [OUT:you] in [OUT: the]
> television.
>
> If you have problems talk to your parents or friends. They
> are in the m[OUT:i]st ways [OUT:the] better listenErs than an
> injection!
>
> DO YOU HAVE ANY [OUT:Have you] questions?
>
> Call the telephone number 001 78314
> DRUGS ARE WRONG agency
>
>
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