Write an essay < Korrekturlesen < Englisch < Sprachen < Vorhilfe
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(Frage) beantwortet  | | Datum: | 15:00 Mi 27.11.2013 | | Autor: | NinaAK13 |
| Aufgabe | Bitte Korrekturlesen und Verbesserungsvorschläge  |
Dies ist mein erster essay. Ich wollte ihn mal zur Korrektur von Jemandem lesen lassen, der davon mehr Ahnung hat als ich. Vielleicht hat ja noch wer Verbesserungsvorschläge fuer mich?
Almost every teenager wants to live a life which is not under the control of their parents. One solution to approach this problem is money.
Part time jobs encourage the process of teenagers growing up, because through the job they gain independence.
I'll show the financial independence by having a part-time job. The first point is don't have to ask parents for money anymore because teenager get the chance to earn their own make it much easier because if you're in trouble with your parents and they don't give you your pocket money anymore you haven't got your own money to spend it on important things like empty cosmetics. By earning your own money you can decide what you want to buy for it for your self. also learning how to handle money for the first time may be realise it has a real value. In my opinion every teenager have to think about this arguements. Handling money is important for the future and other situations like having a family. All in all earning money in a part-time job isn't a fault, because you can learn a lot from it.
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(Antwort) fertig  | | Datum: | 22:33 Do 28.11.2013 | | Autor: | chrisno |
Hallo Nina...
ich fürchte, der Grund, dass Du keine Antwort bekommen hast ist, dass da zu viel zu tun ist.
Ich gehe mal nur kurz darüber:
> Bitte Korrekturlesen und Verbesserungsvorschläge
>
>
> Dies ist mein erster essay. Ich wollte ihn mal zur
> Korrektur von Jemandem lesen lassen, der davon mehr Ahnung
> hat als ich. Vielleicht hat ja noch wer
> Verbesserungsvorschläge fuer mich?
>
> Almost every teenager wants to live a life which is not
> under the control of their parents.
teenage ist singular, their ist plural
> One solution to
> approach this problem is money.
Das könnte deutlicher werden, dass durch eigenes Geld Unabhängigkeit entsteht.
> Part time jobs encourage the process of teenagers growing
> up, because through the job they gain independence.
einen Prozess ermutigen?
>
> I'll show the financial independence by having a part-time
> job.
Ich werde die finanzielle Unabhängigkeit zeigen, durch das Ausüben einer Teilzeit-Arbeit. Du willst sicher etwas anderes sagen.
> The first point is don't have to ask parents for money
> anymore because teenager get the chance to earn their own
Mach mal einen Punkt.
> make it much easier because if you're in trouble with your
> parents and they don't give you your pocket money anymore
> you haven't got your own money to spend it on important
> things like empty cosmetics.
Würdest Du Geld für leere Kosmetika ausgeben?
> By earning your own money you
> can decide what you want to buy for it for your self. also
> learning how to handle money for the first time may be
> realise it has a real value.
Übersetz einfach mal zurück ins Deutsche.
> In my opinion every teenager
> have to think about this arguements.
teenager singular, have pural this singular, arguments plural
> Handling money is
> important for the future and other situations like having a
> family.
sollte bei Teeanger nicht auch die Familie eher ein Zukunftsprojekt sein?
> All in all earning money in a part-time job isn't a
> fault, because you can learn a lot from it.
fault passt hier nicht.
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